


Dying Embers

by BurningHeart



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Depression, Post Volume 3, Recovery, tai is a good dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningHeart/pseuds/BurningHeart
Summary: While life has never been kind to her, this is different from before. She fights, struggles and falls, but the fall won't end no matter how much she tries. If she can't slow her descent, she knows she will shatter upon impact, shatter and lose everything.But, she asks herself, what has she left in the first place?





	Dying Embers

"Yang?"

She didn't acknowledge his presence. Instead, she continued looking out of her window. Not that there was anything interesting out there to watch, but she couldn't stand looking into his face right now.

"Kiddo, c'mon, have some mercy with an old crow. You gotta talk at some point. It's been a week and you've done nothing but brooding."

Brooding. That's what he thought she'd been up to all this time? She clenched the sheets between her hand. Her only hand.

The man sighed. "Ruby's gonna wake up soon, I promise. Please. Take care of yourself. Otherwise, you won't be able to take care of her either."

Her grip tightened some more. Inside, her blood was boiling. He didn't get it. He didn't get it at all.

"I'll stick around a little longer, if you feel the sudden urge to talk or anything." He got up from his chair next to her bed and patted her on the shoulder. "Just… Keep fighting, firecracker."

After he had left her door was closed, she turned her head away from the window and lowered her gaze to her hand on her lap. She opened it, knuckles still white from clenching her sheets, and turned it this way and that. Little scars littered her skin from training sessions gone too far or a surge of overprotectiveness when Ruby had been bullied. Her fists were her weapons. Only one of them was left now, and its scars were insignificant compared to the giant one on her opposite arm.

As she inspected her palm, something inside of her broke. She couldn't put a finger on it, but the realization of her situation only truly hit her in this very moment.

She couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't protect anyone anymore. She wasn't whole, she was damaged, and she couldn't be fixed. Her career was over before it had even started. Her school was gone. Some of her friends died, the others left her.

Water droplets began to stain her blanket. A whimper escaped her as she realized how pathetic her life had become. Panic settled in her stomach and her hand started shaking.

She felt so alone.

As she spiraled deeper and deeper into a dark pit of worry and grief, the first snowflakes began to fall. 

 

***

 

"Yang?"

She didn't answer.

"I love you."

She remained silent.

And then, Ruby was gone, too.

 

***

 

The first few weeks in Patch were pure torture for her.

When awake, her wound throbbed painfully, she felt weak and her entire body ached. The meds she was forced to take stripped her of every ounce of energy she possessed, but they were necessary to keep her pain at a (barely) manageable level and help heal her arm. As a result, she struggled with getting out of bed and doing basic tasks like getting dressed or showering. Tai tried to help her, a lot, but she refused. She wasn't a child, for God's sake – she needed to do it by herself if she wanted to get any better. She pushed herself every time, every day, but still – recovery didn't proceed like she had hoped it would. It was too slow. More often than not, she simply over-exerted herself and therefore was constantly exhausted.

An exhausted Yang was an irritated Yang, especially when the exhaustion stemmed from things like climbing the stairs too quickly.

She was frustrated. She repeatedly compared her current state to how she had been before the Fall – strong, athletic, fast. She used to have the highest stamina of her team. She used to be able to fight for what seemed hours without tiring.

Now, she was nothing of that. Now, she required help with everything and had to take a break after getting the mail.

The real terrors started during the night, though. Physically, she was a wreck. Mentally, she was, too. So when she was at her most vulnerable, the nightmares and fears hit her with full force – even harder than the little moments flashing before her eyes during the day when she least expected it.

Most of her dreams were a distorted replay of the moment her arm was sliced off, but some took her trauma a step further. Sometimes, Blake was killed or somehow even Summer found her death in the cafeteria alongside her partner. A few times, Raven helped execute them, but only after talking down to her own daughter.

On other occasions, when her mind felt exceptionally cruel, it would just throw her into a scene where she watched her friends and sister die by the hands of that White Fang guy, Adam Taurus. How they died was always different, but every time she was powerless to intervene or move at all.

There came a point when she couldn't remember when she had slept more than three hours at a time. The nightmares always woke her with a start, a scream dying in her throat as her eyes shot open with fear and her body jerking up, drenched in cold sweat. After that, it was nearly impossible to go back to sleep – not with these images still haunting her.

She cried a lot during that time. Most of the tears were shed for others – the ones who passed away or whom she missed so, SO much to be there with her – but a good amount belonged to her very own misery and pain.

Tai never saw her cry, but he could hear her. She knew because she sometimes saw his shadows peeking through underneath her door. But he never entered her room, always waiting until she was mostly done and had composed herself a little. She was thankful for him trying to give her space for she was ashamed and embarrassed for showing such weakness.

She _never_ cried in front of others. She was the strong one, the one everyone could rely on. She wasn't allowed to openly cry. She was in control.

She sometimes wished he would come in, though. To hold her and tell her everything would be alright. But she didn't let herself think that for long because she was supposed to get through this by herself.

But damn, it just was so hard.

 

***

 

Winter was especially dark and unpleasant this year. It lasted well into March, at least it was then when the snow finally began to melt and the sun came out for more than a few minutes a day.

She was having none of it.

The last months had been spent in bed, mostly. Even after her meds had been discontinued due to her arm having healed enough to put a metal cover over it to hide the nasty scar, she had been far from active. Therefore, she was as weak as when she first woke up after her injury.

With her muscles slowly atrophying from lack of use and training, she was leaner than before and her skin had become paler from staying cooped up inside for so long. In return, the rings under her eyes had become a few shades darker.

After yet another sleepless night, Tai entered her room as always, carrying a tray with breakfast and juice. He wished her a good morning (which she left unanswered) and set everything down on her nightstand.

Contrary to previous days, he didn't leave the room after that. Her back was turned towards him but she felt the mattress dip down under his weight.

"Yang?"

She pulled the blanket around herself a little tighter.

"The snow has been gone for a while now. Seems like spring is on its way, at last. I thought, with the weather all good and nice… Maybe we could start training outside a little. Get you out and back on your feet. How does that sound?"

She took her time to answer. "I don't really feel like it," she grumbled after a few seconds.

A sigh. "I know you're not well, but it would be the first step towards being well. C'mon. We'll start slow and work our way up."

But she didn't want to 'start slow'. She wanted to fight like she used to. Fast. Swift. Strong. Deadly.

"Yang." He touched her shoulder. She flinched. "Please. Just try it once."

Once. Maybe he would shut up after seeing how inept she was and leave her alone.

"Fine."

The hand left her shoulder and he stood up. "In the front yard, in one hour. I'm waiting for you."

The door closed and she felt like shit.

It took her ten more minutes to sit up and start eating breakfast in bed. Absentmindedly, she drank her juice and ate the bacon and eggs on her plate. It was good, but she couldn't enjoy it. Her dad had pre-cut the bacon strips for her.

She placed the tray back on her nightstand once she was done and got up, walking towards her dresser to get a change of clothes.

These days, the mirror on her closet door wasn't kind to her. It made her see her haggard body and her dull and unkempt hair. Once, she would have called herself a buff, bomb-shell blonde but nowadays she resembled more of a weak, wimpy wreck. She stood in front of her reflection for a moment and let her eyes wander up and down.

Opening the closet doors with a heavy sigh, she took out a pair of sweat pants and a plain hoodie along with some underwear and made her way to the bathroom to shower. It took her forever to undress, clean herself, dry her hair and put on her clothes. Dejectedly, she realized how well her dad knew how much time she needed to get ready in the morning as she stepped out into the garden precisely one hour after he had come into her room.

"Ponytail?" Tai asked as he finished his stretches. She nodded and handed him a purple rubber band. He had gotten pretty good at tying her hair up in the last few months.

"Okay. Now that we're ready, let's warm up a bit. Let's exchange some basic kicks and try to dodge them. Nothing too intense, don't give 100%. It's about moving and not about knocking your opponent out."

She nodded and took her usual fighting stance. Immediately, she noticed a problem – being right-handed, her primary arm was… missing. She shifted into an inverted stance with her left hand in the front.

Tai frowned a little as he watched her but quickly got over it and opened the spar with a swift yet harmless right kick. She caught it with her left arm and carried the momentum away from her, stepping to the side with a twist.

"Good start," Tai said and let Yang attack next. She also went for a right kick and Tai executed the same maneuver she had done a moment ago. After all, it had been him who had taught her the basics all these years ago.

However, as her leg was pushed away from his body, she realized yet another issue. Her balance was off, way off. She almost stumbled when there was no second arm to balance her movement out. But Taiyang left her no time to think about it, already coming at her with another kick, this time with his left leg. 

The same arm that should have been there to balance her was now also missing to block his kick. His shin connected with her ribcage and knocked the wind out of her lungs despite only having been a slow and soft kick.

"Oh shoot, sorry kiddo!"

"It's fine," she said, slightly wheezing.

"Let's try that again. When I come for your right side, you have to dodge entirely, not only shove my leg away. Alright?"

"Yeah."

Again, Tai repeated his kick and she dodged by ducking under it.

"Well done!"

They continued training for a few more minutes before Tai decided they had warmed up enough. "I'll get us some water and then we can continue. I'll be back in a moment."

The second he vanished inside the house, she dropped her fighting stance entirely and sat down on the grass. She was sweating and out of breath and her body hurt from suddenly moving around so much after not having been active for so long.

She hated it. This was supposed to be her warm-up and she already was completely winded. Tears suddenly prickled at the corners of her eyes.

Tai returned outside with two bottles in his hand, tossing one to his daughter. She didn't even attempt to catch it and it fell into the grass next to her with a dull thump.

Her father raised one eyebrow worriedly. "You okay, Yang?"

She turned her head away from him, pulling her legs to her chest and hugging them. At least, tried to hug them. It wasn't that effective with only one arm.

"Hey." Tai crouched down beside her. "Talk to me. What's up?"

"W-what's up?" she asked back, annoyed. She looked him in the eyes, her face full of pain. " _That_ is up! What else would be up?" She wiggled her stump in his face.

Taiyang gently took her arm by its metal cover and guided it down. "Hey. Calm down. We've only started, there's no need—"

"Exactly! We've only started and I'm already tired!" she yelled, yanking her arm from her father's grasp. "I-I'm exhausted, Dad. I'm done training. I'm tired and all we've done so far is warming up!"

"Yang—"

"Stop!" He stopped. "I said I'm done. I don't want to train anymore. I tried it once, I failed, and now I'm done."

Tai sighed. "That's not the purpose of training. You don't start with being the best and acing everything. You work every day to get better and better."

"But I can't get better," she responded, voice cracking mid-sentence.

"Yang, stop saying that. You—"

"I _can't_ get better, Dad. I tried, and I can't!"

" _Did_ you try?"

Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she responded. "I did. Of _course_ I did." Did he really have the audacity to question such a thing?

"Yang, _did you try_?"

She couldn't look him in the eyes. She was on the verge of crying again. "I tried," she choked out, voice full of hurt, "I've tried for months but apparently it wasn't worth anything."

"Yang…"

"I-I'm done," she said through the lump in her throat and, still avoiding her father's worried gaze, stood up. She did it too quickly and for a moment forgot that she was minus an arm that should have helped her keeping her balance.

"Careful!" Tai said and got up as well, intent of catching her if she fell.

She shoved him away. "I'm fine! Just… leave me alone." She trotted inside, feeling terrible as she closed the door to her room behind her. Closing her eyes, she leaned against it and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. Immediately, tears made their way down her cheeks.

Her dad didn't understand. Each day she had gotten out of bed, each day she had eaten and brushed her teeth and washed her face, she had been trying. These months, everything she did took so much effort, and she didn't know why. Little things, trivial things, felt like hard labour and she was struggling every time to get them done at all. Something held her back, made it impossible for her to function like a normal, capable human being. She couldn't handle more, a weight pushing down on her that simply would not go away.

Apparently, even though it all felt so much to her, her efforts were far from being enough. Tai hadn't even noticed she had been trying.

God, she was so pathetic. Not even able to bear an easy work-out.

So weak and broken and worthless.

A sob escaped her, and the dam finally broke. She hadn't cried that hard ever since the night Ruby had left without saying goodbye.

Outside, Tai was still standing in the garden. He, too, had some tears spill down onto the grass. He collected her untouched water bottle and returned inside. It was lunch time soon and he still had to prepare everything.

Though when he attempted to enter his daughter's room after knocking, he found it locked. She didn't respond to his voice either. Not then and not in the evening when dinner time rolled around. Only in the morning did he hear her leaving her room as he sat in the kitchen, reading the newspaper.

She looked bad. Her eyes were swollen and her bags even more pronounced than usual. She hadn't even put on a change of clothes since yesterday.

"Yang," he said, setting the newspaper down on the table. "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I should have been more considerate and—"

She shuffled past him, paying no heed to his words. She didn't even look at him.

"Yang?"

She went for the kitchen cabinet and got herself a glass which she filled with water. Then, she left the kitchen again. At least, she would have if Tai hadn't stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Hey, come on. At least look at me when…"

She looked at him and Tai gulped. Her eyes were so… void. Lifeless. She was looking at him but at the same time she was looking right _through_ him.

Perplexed, he let her arm go. After a second, she walked away, back to her room.

A chill travelled up Tai's spine.

 

***

 

From that day on, her state was only getting worse and worse. She spent the entire day in her room, unmoving. She hardly ate anymore and Tai had to force her to get up once in a while and take a shower.

She simply didn't care anymore. About anything.

It scared Tai.

Unfortunately, he couldn't stay at home any longer – bills had to be paid soon and that wasn't happening if he skipped another month of work. Leaving his daughter behind in such a state made him sick to the stomach but he didn't have a choice. He had to go and trust her not to do anything stupid in the meantime.

On his first day of work, he actually got her to get up and eat breakfast with him. She didn't eat much, as usual, but she was out of her room which he considered a small victory. When he left, she was sitting at the table, shoving her food around on her plate – and there she still was when he returned eight hours later. She had spaced out for an entire day.

The week passed and it wasn't getting better on the weekend either.

"Yang?"

Her plate was full of food. Food freshly cooked, cooked with love. She used to love bacon and eggs for breakfast but that was long in the past. Today, like yesterday and the day before, it simply tasted like ash.

"Yang."

The food was getting cold right before her eyes but she couldn't bring herself to eat it. One forkful and her stomach turned into knots. She had been pushing her eggs around for some minutes.

"Yang!"

Slowly, she raised her head, only registering her father calling her name now. Slowly. Sluggishly. Trying to defy the fog in her head.

"Sweetie, do you want something else? Fruit maybe? They got some amazing mangoes on the market today."

She dropped her gaze down to her barely touched plate. "No," she simply said, laying her fork down. She was done eating.

"How about some hot cocoa then?"

At the thought of chocolate, she felt nauseous immediately. "No," she said once more and got up from her chair. She took her plate to the kitchen, left it at the sink to be cleaned later, and made her way to the stairs.

"Yang."

With one foot already on the first step, she halted.

"You know you can't keep going like that."

She knew. Oh, how well she knew.

"If… If there is something I can do for you – anything – you can always tell me. Okay?"

She nodded weakly. Without another word, she resumed climbing the stairs with heavy feet.

"And no offense, but please make sure you're taking a shower today."

A shower. The thought alone made her feel exhausted. She would have to get clothes, go to the bathroom, brush her hair, undress, shower, wash her body, wash her hair, dry her body, dry her hair, put on the clothes, put the used ones into the washing machine...

It was so much work.

She entered her room and closed the door. She just wanted to stay in bed and pass the time there. On her way across the room, her eyes caught her reflection for a second but she forced her gaze away immediately. She didn't need a mirror to tell her she looked like shit. She already knew that.

With a sigh, she plopped down onto her mattress and massaged her temple. Her head hurt and her eyes stung from being so tired. She wanted to sleep. Sleep all day long. Which she actually did, but it was never enough to make her feel rested, and let's not talk about the nightmares. She sighed again. No matter what she did, it drained her.

Laying down, she wrapped her blanket around herself. She had got up an hour ago and she was already going to sleep again. She figured it wasn't a healthy choice but what in her life was healthy for her anyways by now?

She had no drive to stay awake. Ever since her failed training, she just felt… empty. She actually didn't feel anything – no anger, no sadness, no happiness, nothing. Maybe that was the reason she was so exhausted in the first place. May it was the weight still resting on her shoulders which seemed to increase with each day.

She closed her eyes and slipped into a dreamless sleep. It was one of the few occasions where the nightmares were kind to her.

 

***

 

Soon, she didn't get up for breakfast anymore. Tai had to go to work and couldn't always afford to spend so much time forcing her to come downstairs and 'eat' with him, so he always prepared lunch and left it in the kitchen for her to eat later.

When she actually got up, usually past noon, she maybe nibbled on her food, but quickly retreated back to her room. When Tai asked about her day upon coming home, she always left his question unanswered.

For one thing, because she didn't want to talk. Apart from that, she never did anything anyway.

Tai dragged her out of bed on the weekend mornings when he was free, though he had to admit that it was a sad sight to behold. He was watching his daughter waste away before his very eyes and he was clueless how to help her.

Bacon and eggs. He always made them for her. Rarely didn't she leave them untouched; in the best case she ate a couple of bites. However, she never wanted anything else, denying his offerings or suggestions every single time.

"Not even… some yoghurt?"

She shook her head, not even lifting her gaze from her plate.

Tai sighed but let her be. He knew he couldn't get through to her in this way. She had that look again that told him she was a million miles away.

After a few more minutes, he asked her if she was done and cleared the table.

She got up; a cumbersome task. She felt exceptionally bad today. Her limbs usually were heavy already, but they had felt as if made of lead all morning.

However, as she was standing, suddenly she felt… light. Very light. At first, she liked it. But as her vision turned dark at the edges and the world started tilting to the side, she knew it actually wasn't a good thing.

Everything turned black and she faintly heard the dull thump of her body hitting the floor, followed by a worried Tai calling her name.

The next thing she was aware of was a cold cloth on her forehead and a hand pushing her hair out of her eyes. Her dad was saying something to her but she still had cotton in her ears and couldn't make out his exact words.

Slowly, her senses came back to her and Tai carefully helped her sit up.

"God, sweetie, are you alright? How do you feel?"

"I…" she stammered, still disorientated. She wasn't alright. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yeah." She stood up on wobbly legs, Tai supporting her until she was relatively steady. Immediately, white dots started dancing before her eyes and she had to sit down, panting.

Her father crouched down before her and took her hand, concern on his face. "Yang, please rest for a minute and eat something. Your body needs it."

"I don't—"

"Yang. Please."

She knew he was right. She had got thin and weak and she actually was surprised her body was giving in only now. She swallowed and turned her gaze away, not standing the worried expression of her dad. Tai took it as permission to bring her food.

The sandwich looked so nice. Peanut butter and jelly. She felt like eight years old again.

It hurt that her stomach turned at the sight of it.

With a trembling hand, she grabbed it and took a bite.

Ashes.

She wanted to eat but not when it tasted like death itself. The same taste as when she ran through a destroyed Beacon, panting, with injured and dead people littering the streets. The same taste as when she woke up and had an arm and a bunch of friends less.

After the fourth bite she managed to take despite the ghastly flavour, it was over. She sprung to her feet and rushed to the bathroom, vomiting her sandwich into the toilet. Even after the meager meal was out of her stomach, she kept retching, tears pouring down her cheeks.

When she felt like she was done, she rested her forehead on her arm on the toilet seat, trying to catch her breath. Her chest was on fire from the cramping and she was absolutely, completely exhausted.

"Yang."

"I-I'm fine."

He was silent for a moment. "I got you some water." Sitting down beside her, he placed it on the floor.

He didn't get up after that.

"W-what is it?" she asked between gasps.

He didn't answer, only starting to rub her back. She didn't like it, shying away from the touch, and he stopped as he sensed her discomfort.

He sighed. "Nothing." Something swung in his voice but she couldn't make out what it was.

Tai left the bathroom, closing the door to give her some privacy. After a couple more minutes, she rinsed her mouth with the water, drank the rest and heaved herself up. Unconsciousness threatened to come to her again but she pushed through the white dots until they were somehow gone.

With slow and heavy steps, she forced herself up the stairs into her room. She immediately fell down onto her mattress and let sleep take over. 

 

***

 

"Yang."

No. Not yet. It's too early.

"I brought your lunch. I made some club sandwiches, nothing too special, but, you know…"

No food. She didn't want to eat.

"Yang. Please get up, sweetie. It's noon."

Noon. Why did it suddenly matter at what time she didn't eat her lunch?

Tai shook her by the shoulder. "Come on. You _have_ to get up."

Did she though? He hadn't put that much effort to get her out of bed in the weeks before. Why now?

Her blanket was yanked away and cold air hit her skin. She curled up on herself to preserve some of her body heat.

"Yang, I hate doing this, but I'm making you get out of your bed. You can't stay in there forever. So either you cooperate and get up or I will literally toss you to the ground."

She knew he wouldn't do it. Even if he did, she would just continue lying on the floor if it meant she could go back to sleep.

He huffed. "Fine."

She yelped as two strong hands lifted her from her mattress and carried her out of the room bridal-style.

"Dad!" She hammered against his shoulder with her fist. "Let me down!"

"No. You're coming with me."

She tried to shove herself out of his hold but it was fruitless – she was too weak and he was too strong. After only a few attempts, she gave up and succumbed to her fate.

Tai carried her downstairs and set her on the couch, then placed the armchair right in front of her and took a seat in it. "And now," he calmly said, "we talk."

She frowned. "What," she replied dryly.

"Talking. That thing where we communicate with each other by forming words with our mouths?"

She didn't laugh.

"Yeah, exactly not that." He took a deep breath. "Listen. I'm worried about you. I know you're not doing well and I truly want you to become better. I want to help you."

Oh. So that's what this was all about.

"You don't have to pour out your heart to me if you don't want to. I also understand if you say that you _can't_ do that right now. Just know that if you ever feel the need to, you can come to me. Or we find someone else you can confide in. Okay?"

She lowered her head.

"Until then, I want to establish some rules around here. Rules for both you and me."

That, however, caught her attention.

"First, no more sleeping in. I don't mind if you nap in the afternoon and go to bed early, but the time between breakfast and lunch will be spent awake. Alright?" Tai paused. "You have to get a little more active again, get a proper routine. Staying in bed all day isn't healthy and let's be honest, it doesn't seem to refresh you in any way. If anything, it's making you feel worse."

She knew where this was coming from. However, it wasn't as simple as he made it sound.

"Which brings us to our next rule. While you're awake in the morning, I am continuing going to work. I have to. So it would be awesome if you did some chores while I'm gone. And with chores I don't mean vacuuming the entire house, just small things that need to be done but get lost when there are bigger tasks on hand. For example, the light bulb in the cellar has been broken for weeks but either I forget about it or I remember it when I don’t have the time to change it. If you could take care of stuff like that, you would be a great help. Is that okay for you?"

She shrugged.

"The third rule is for me."

Oh?

"I… have to stop babying you. You're perfectly capable of a lot of things, yet I do things for you telling myself that they would make everything easier for you when in reality, they are not. You don't deserve that – you don't deserve me ignoring your dignity and pride. However, while I might suspect some habits of mine, there are others I'm not aware of. In that case, I would appreciate it if you could tell me the next time I'm doing something I should not. It's a learning process for me and I need your help with it."

Even though she didn't show it, she liked that rule a little.

"Last but not least, rule number four."

She perked up.

Tai took a deep breath before he started. "Yang, though I don't know what exactly is going on in your head, I can imagine what you're going through to a certain extent. When Summer… When your mom died, you know in what kind of a bad state I was. And it was extremely hard for me to get out of there because I didn't really have anyone by my side to help me with it. I had you and your sister, but you were so young and in no ways capable of handling that, and Qrow could only do so much and only when he wasn't away on missions. I felt truly alone during that time." Sadness graced his features but he carried on. "However, it's no excuse for the fact that I wasn't there for a good amount of your childhood. I apologize for my behavior despite knowing that it will never, ever be able to compensate for anything. The time I wasted in my self-pity is forever lost, and so is time I could have spent with my family."

Tai looked her in the eyes with a stern and resolute expression. "Grieving and coping are important, but they are not to be confused with throwing oneself into a self-dug hole of misery and isolation. I learned it the hard way and I want to pass on my knowledge because I see you doing the same thing, and you shouldn't waste your precious life like I did with a great portion of mine."

She couldn't stand his eyes any longer, getting uncomfortable from his little speech. She tried to avert her gaze but Tai was having none of it and lightly touched her leg to keep her attention.

"The most important thing I learned was that you can't do everything on your own. Sometimes, you need help. Sometimes, you need someone to take care of you. But it doesn't make you weak."

Her bottom lip started quivering. "But…"

"You are not alone, Yang."

What in the world was he saying? She _was_ alone. Raven abandoned her, Summer died and so did Pyrrha and Penny, SSSN were god knows where, Qrow probably was out hunting again, JNR accompanied Ruby on their own mission, and Blake… Blake had left her behind.

She didn't have anyone else.

Tears gathering in her eyes, she found it really hard to believe her father's promises. In the end, he surely just used these hollow words in the hopes of making her feel better and support his little pseudo pep-talk in order to get her out of bed in the morning.

She already felt so terrible as is, and all of this was only salt in her open wounds. It burned thinking about how she wasn't worth sticking around and how she only caused those who actually did to leave her in another, more cruel way.

She truly was cursed to be all by herself.

As if he felt where her thoughts were spiraling, Tai took her hand into his and squeezed, bringing her back to reality. "Firstly, you have me. I'm your dad and I will never even think about leaving you behind. I will always be by your side and nothing can change that. And secondly… even though it may not seem like it, your friends and your team always have your back, too."

"But—"

"They didn't leave because of you, Yang. They didn't leave by choice. From what you've told me, you all were practically inseparable, and only something out of your control could have torn you apart from each other like that. I know that Weiss was dragged away by her father's men and that Ruby only left because her Silver Eyes are such a dangerous trait. And Blake… There is no way she carried your unconscious form for several blocks while being severely injured only to abruptly decide you didn't matter enough to stay by your side." He smiled a little. "I don't know her personally but you were important to each other. Your team would have never left you under any other circumstances. They would have at least said goodbye. But they couldn't, they _couldn't_. Being forced to go is different from choosing to."

Anger bubbled up inside of her. "But they did choose! They all could have stayed! Weiss could have defended herself, Ruby could have declined to go with the others, and Blake…" She clenched her fist. "Blake was a coward."

"Is that really what you think? Is that how you think about your team, your family?" Tai shook his head sadly. "Maybe they had a choice, but it was far from fair. You know that Weiss probably fought against her father. You know that Ruby probably didn't want to accept, being aware of what she was leaving behind in Patch. And you know that Blake isn't a coward. Cowards don't risk their life for others."

She huffed.

"What would you choose? Fight against a force you can't win against or give in to prevent others from getting hurt along with you?"

Weiss had talked about her father. Not often but what she had told them was enough. How he made her life in Atlas a nightmare and how he destroyed the entire family with his greed for power. Resisting and standing your ground against this man destined you to get hurt and if you didn't watch out, everyone by your side as well. Jacques Schnee wasn't a man who backed off from drastic measures as long as he would get what he wanted.

"Having a unique gift that grants you the power to protect others, would you stay where you are or go out and use it?"

Ruby had apologized for leaving so suddenly in her note. She had done it she couldn't have pulled through if she had had to face her father or sister during her goodbye. They would have loved her too much to let her go and she would have questioned her plan. She couldn't have followed her dream, her destiny, to become a hero – and the world was in dire need of heroes these days.

"Why would you leave someone dear to you behind? Because you wanted to or because you had to?"

Blake… meant everything to her. She was her partner, her best friend. They always had each other's backs, also outside of the battlefield. She knew Blake better than anyone else, knew about her quirks, her pet-peeves, her likes, her dislikes… and her past. She knew that Blake wasn't a bad person. She was kind and just, intelligent and strong. She simply had made some mistakes and somehow life loved to remind her of them. Sure, she didn't know everything about Blake's time in the White Fang, but that fact alone told her that a lot of it must be… very heavy stuff. Adam had been on TV enough times to make clear to her that he wasn't someone to be underestimated. Considering how absolutely consumed by fear Blake had been during the Fall… And the guy still wasn't put into custody. He's still out there, maybe searching for her… hunting her…

But still.

"That doesn't count!" she yelled. "I could have helped them. I could have helped Weiss stand her ground against her father! I could have come with Ruby! I could have fought alongside Blake!" Voice cracking at her partner's name, she sunk into the couch, looking at her hand which was shaking. "I could have protected them…"

Tai chuckled lightly. "Yang, don't you see? They were thinking just like you."

She didn't understand.

"Try as you might, you can't deny that you were knocked out for quite some time. You needed to recover and that's okay. Injuries happen when you're a Hunter. But while you were out, your team did what you have always done for them – they protected you. Weiss didn't want you to get involved in her family war. Ruby didn't want you to put yourself in danger while you still weren't at 100%. And Blake knew that she couldn't stay as the White Fang was still after her and she couldn't have fought them off if they had come for you both.

"From my time as a Huntsman and a teacher, I know that people's motivations can come from very dark corners of their mind clouding their ability to make rational decisions when they panic. But these guys made very rational decisions – decisions that might hurt, a lot even, but in the end were the _safe_ option. They cared for you, Yang. They still do. So much that your well-being was more important than their own."

When he said it, it sounded so much more believable than when she had had the same thoughts upon waking up after the Fall. Her assumptions had been quickly drowned out by the remembrance of past events, past disappointments, and by the whirlwind of emotions that were still coursing through her brain, amplified by her medication. Of course she knew that nobody _hated_ her to simply walk out of her life but after the tournament she wasn't sure if she could still trust her own perception. Something slowly took over and filled her with the belief that they hadn't been honest, had played a wicked game with her.

Maybe _she_ had decided irrationally.

She was confused. What was she supposed to believe? Whom could she trust? Certainly not herself, but hadn't she been right in the beginning – before that strange, toxic fog had crept into her head?

"Yang."

Again, Tai was there to bring her back.

"Rule number four. This rule can be executed anytime but doesn't have to if you don't feel like it." Tai gave her a warm smile and opened his arms. "Hug?"

Her brain went blank for a second. She certainly didn't expect that, she had to admit.

But only then did she realize how much she actually missed to be hugged.

With tight lips, she nodded and they both got up from their seats, Taiyang immediately wrapping his arms around his daughter tenderly. One hand rested on the backside of her head, softly massaging her scalp through tangled locks, while the other rubbed her back in a loving manner. She practically melted into his embrace, not even able to recall the last time she had been held like that.

"I love you so much," Tai whispered and kissed the top of her head, and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing anymore.

She was feeling something, and it was warm and safe and just so _nice_ compared to that grey emptiness that had settled inside of her for so long. "I love you too," she choked out and returned the hug as well as she was able to with only one and a half arms. There was no way she would make the same mistake twice and choose silence over affection.

And she let herself fall, crumble and break in the arms of her father and it made her feel finally free, even if it was just for a moment.

 

***

 

Four days passed. Yang had spent the mornings awake, even though she found it hard to get her body up and moving. She still struggled to eat her breakfast but she started eating a little more than usual after telling Tai that she didn't want the bacon strips pre-cut for her.

After nine days, Tai came home to meet her sitting on the porch, waiting for him. Her hair was still wet from her shower and she let it dry in the light breeze coming from the woods. When she stood up to greet him, he could smell her favourite shampoo and as he stroked her head during their hug, he felt how soft her locks were.

After two weeks, she changed the light bulb in the cellar. It was more work than she had anticipated if she was being honest, but it worked out. She felt a little proud when she flipped the switch and the light shone bright, illuminating the stairs like her own little personal sun.

After four weeks, she didn't ask for hugs anymore. When she felt like it, she said – or yelled, or whispered, or sniffled – "rule number four" and Tai knew what to do without any further words needed.

After six weeks, she helped Tai make breakfast.

After seven weeks, she made it all by herself.

After nine weeks, a package arrived. The Atlesian box made her think it was from Weiss but as she opened it only to be greeted by a shiny metal arm, the letter inside gave away that Ironwood hadn't forgotten her.

After eleven weeks, she put the arm on. Her second attempt at training unfortunately went worse than her first, but this time she didn't give up after one day.

After twenty weeks, a letter from Ruby arrived. She cried a lot when she read it, realizing that it wasn't the first one her sister had sent but the first one to find its way home. Her dad cried too, but rule number four made the words hurt a little less for them both.

After twenty-two weeks, her metal arm shone a bold and fresh yellow and her weapon was free of rust and soot. The cover of Bumblebee lied abandoned in the shed next to the house.

After twenty-six weeks, Yang found her mother.

After twenty-six weeks, she found her teammate, her sister and her friends.

After twenty-seven weeks, she found her partner.

After twenty-seven weeks, Yang still wasn't free from her demons, but she had found a home where she could heal.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all aren't sick of post-volume 3 stories yet. I'm still upset we didn't get to see more of Yang's time in Patch.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading. Cheers


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